I refused to look at the clock, knowing the time would be earlier than anything I wanted to see. Any number starting with 4, 5, or 6 would be trouble. It was a 6. The worst of the options.
4:00 would have been fine. The game would just be starting but I knew it would be early enough to fall back asleep. Even 5:00 would have afforded me the same luxury. But not 6:30.
I pretended like I would fall back asleep. Like there was no baseball game going on right now on the other side of the globe. Like my intentions of drifting to dreamland would deliver me there. It didn’t.
It delivered me downstairs. On my couch.
I had set my DVR to record everything on the MLB Network from 4:00am until 7:30am. I set my alarm for 8:00, knowing that I would never make it there. In fact, last night, before I fell asleep, I said as much.
“I just hope I don’t wake up too excited.”
Two baseball games. Both regular season games. A live fantasy baseball draft. The second (yes, second) round of the NCAA Tournament. A Saturday. 60 degrees.
I woke up too excited.
Early wakeups are the norm now. When Tina was pregnant, everyone told me to enjoy my sleep, since I would no longer have it when baby was born. Naturally, in a cruel twist of fate, I wake up earlier than my child every day. Of course, I’m lucky that she sleeps so late.
But what good is luck if nothing fortunate comes from it?
I have written to myself (and will post in the future) many times about my aversion to sleep. I even had this conversation with my friends last night. Sleep is no longer a luxury. It’s an annoyance.
I did get through a few innings (with fast forwarding) before rolling over on the couch and…I think… falling asleep for about a half hour. The game was on pause when I turned around and I refused to look at the clock so I don’t actually know. I hate the clock. The clock is the vehicle that drives my lack of sleep.
I finally awoke from my phantom nap to the call from my daughter upstairs. Minutes later, she is sitting on my lap, reading a book, listening to her new favorite Andrew McMahon song (Me and the Moon – she loves the part, “I am a butterfly…”).
And baseball is on our television. Life is perfect.
I do not sleep. I do not want to. I want to get excited about things. I want to look forward to tomorrow so much that I cannot sleep tonight.
I want to be awake to enjoy everything, whether I am alone for a few hours or with my family. I want to wake up early and go to bed late.
6:30am? Fine. It means I get an extra hour and a half to enjoy today.
And today will be great.