It’s happening again.
After deciding to start my website, I began thinking about all the opportunities it could entail. One of the things that stuck in my mind was the possibility of creating an app. Usually when I get an idea, I actually, you know, have some sort of idea of what I want. This time, I don’t.
Obviously, I have some sort of semblance of an idea of what I want to do: create an app. But that’s it. I have concepts, but nothing solid. Regardless, this whole exercise is quickly wearing me out for one simple reason.
I don’t know code.
I know some code, the basics. But let’s be honest, Angry Birds wasn’t built on the basics. I don’t know how to code any more than HTML or “Hello, World”. This is really starting to frustrate me.
I spent the last day or two scouring the internet for the best non-code app creators, but everything seems to be a generic watered down version of what I really want. I had some hope because this website is basically a generic skeleton filled with amazing plugins that pull the whole thing together. Sadly, I could just give up on this ordeal and move on because I don’t even have a solid app idea in my head.
But this is my life. This is what I do. I think of things I want to do, find out how to do them, and then….do them.
Lately, it seems, the things I want just aren’t very feasible, and this is starting to really frustrate me. I don’t know if my expectations have grown too grandiose, or my ability to achieve them has dwindled. Somewhere, there is a disconnect, and it is driving me crazy.
I’m sure it has to do with my inability to devote my time and efforts towards one goal, but I think this fear stems from the realization that said goal is unlikely. Therefore, I accept this, and move on towards the next one.
But when will it stop? Am I doomed to repeat this process until something finally clicks? Or will I do what I always do: try to learn how to make it work. Am I going to take the plunge and dive into trying to code an app that hasn’t even been thought up yet? I don’t know, and that’s what scares me.
Honestly, I am at a disadvantage because I don’t have Lion, Apple’s most recent operating system. And while I want to buy it, the newer OS is coming out next month, so I really have to wait until July before even trying to figure out how to code. And then add insult to injury that I started off college with the intention of being a computer engineer. I wanted this. But when push came to shove, the “computer engineer” degree had a lot more negatives than positives.
None of it matters anyway. I can’t code and will probably spend way too much time trying to piece together an incomplete project. I’m not trying to be so dramatic or dire about this, but I just can’t help feeling like these roadblocks are becoming more and more impassable.
I’ve always been able to look at a problem and solve it, but nowadays, I spend more time with my head in my hands than my brain clicking on all cylinders. I just don’t get it anymore. Will I ever be able to get back to the place where I just intuitively know the answer to a problem? When can I finally begin a journey that will take me somewhere?
Or am I doomed to be trapped inside my mind forever, stuck behind the roadblocks that I never saw coming?